The Journey Ahead

My husband and I submitted our adoption application a few weeks ago. We were 'approved" and yesterday we signed our contract of intent to adopt a little girl from China. I mailed the document to the agency we are using along with a large check .Thank goodness they require payment in installments along the adoption process. It was check number 1957 - the year my Aunt Cindy was born- a good year indeed and a good sign.

So now the paper chase begins. It will take between 3 to 6 months to put out dossier together and the at least another 18 months before we could see a referral for our daughter. I don't mean to get ahead of myself by saying 'our daughter' but I feel an attachment already to someone I have never met who might have not yet been born. Someone in China a world away from New York is waiting for us. There is an ancient Chinese belief that an invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break. Somehow perhaps we have been connected to someone over there for a long time.

I feel different since we started this whole process. During our infertility treatments I felt so disconnected. The weekly visits to doctors, the needles, the fertility drugs- I was always tired and stressed. The drugs made me sick and caused other complications. I read all the fertility books and asked my doctors all the right questions but somehow I knew in the back of my mind I was never meant to be pregnant. I don't know exactly why I felt this way. I wanted to be pregnant and we were doing everything we could to become pregnant but something just wasn't the way it should be. The whole adoption process 'feels' right to me . Like this is what is supposed to happen. It's hard to explain. It kind of reminds me of how I knew Neil was the one for me. There were no fireworks and I did not get hit by lightening. It was this quiet moment of awareness that just grew and blossomed. It just felt right and natural and almost didn't need explanation. It just was.

So now I am consumed with hope and promise. Our country is going through all kinds of drama. The presidential election is approaching and we are in financial disarray. My company is having yet another massive layoff. People I care deeply about will be leaving and if I am not laid off I will be given more and more work to make up for those who will not be replaced. All these outside factors are swirling around me but I am quiet and sound. Hope has cushioned me from these adversities. Promise has made me realize what is truly important: Love.

*edit*
I just looked at the "quote of the day" for my blog. It's quite appropriate.

No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently.~ Agnes DeMille quotes