I was baptised a Roman Catholic. Throughout my life I have wrestled with my given religion. At one point I was quite devout and even considered a life as a religious. When I look back and think of the whys and hows of why I practiced, I think I was longing for structure and a constant spirituality in my life. No matter how crazy my life at home was I could always count on mass being at the same time every Sunday. If my parents drank themselves into oblivion and were abusive or said hurtful things Jesus loved me. When my life seemed to fall apart at the seams I would drown my sorrow in prayer. I often prayed for strength just to get through whatever it was I was dealing with.
As I grew older I began to question my religion. The church's anti- gay stance really went against my personal beliefs. I still get angry in hearing that gays are not allowed to march at the St. Patrick's Day parade. I thought everyone was Irish on March 17 not just straight Catholics. The whole birth control/abortion thing drives me crazy too. The God I believe in is not sending a 15 year old girl living in a broken home to hell for having an abortion. I would never have an abortion but hey, I have no right to tell another woman what kind of decision to make with her body. Don't even get me started on the sexual abuse committed by priests and hid by the church. So I have lived as a cafeteria Catholic for many years picking an choosing the doctrine that suits me and my conscious. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone kind of thinking.
I don't attend mass except for weddings, funerals and the occasional christening.
When my husband and I married eight years ago (he's Jewish) we had a reform rabbi officiate. My priest at the time refused to even meet with us because as he put it I would "be making a serious error in judgement before God" to marry someone who was not a Catholic. When I called the rabbi he asked me one question before we met: "Is he the one?" I didn't hesitate when saying yes my then fiance was "the one." We met the rabbi and he agreed to marry us. I had lots of questions for him during that first meeting. The big one was did I need to convert to Judaism before the wedding. He point blank told me no. He refused to covert anyone because of marriage. He said conversion would have to be for 'me' not anyone else. I thought this was an interesting concept and always held it in the back of my mind.
My husband and I agreed before we were even married we would raise our children (if we were so blessed to have any) as Jews. I learned all the traditions and holidays. I even learned to cook Jewish food thanks to my aunt and mother-in-law. I've lived somewhat of a Jewish life- just not officially I suppose. I still put up a Christmas tree every year but my husband was much better at decorating than I ever was which I found quite funny. Last month my husband's uncle passed away. He was 90 years old and lived in Florida. The funeral was here in New York. I have always preferred the Jewish rituals of death. There was no open casket, no 3 day wake, no fighting relatives over the best floral display at the funeral home. Jewish funerals are simple and dignified. I have always asked my family members to make sure I was buried like a Jew. At the funeral that hot summer day we all stood around the open grave and gently shoveled dirt in. All I could think of was these are not just my in laws buried here. This is my family. When my time comes this is where I belong. As I stood with my family and listened to the Hebrew prayers my mind drifted to of all people Yvonne De Carlo. She had this quote from the Ten Commandments "Your people are my people. I will go where they go." ( I don't think it's verbatim but you get the idea) Was this my sign ? For years I have considered conversion but never acted upon it. A few years ago I discussed this with my aunt. She said "If you have to ask, you aren't ready." It makes sense I suppose. I in turn ask myself "If not now then when."
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Working on the Front Line in Corporate America
Today a good friend of mine found out she was being laid off. This is not uncommon in today's economy. Lots of stuff is going on and many people are losing their jobs. This case is a bit different. My friend just came back from a 6 month maternity leave. We had our corporate layoff announcement in June. This means my friend was slotted for the layoff while she was on maternity leave. The real clincher is how she found out. She returned to work on 9/2/08 and was given her old job back plus a few new responsibilities. Over the weekend she got a letter from HR asking her about signing up for COBRA (health insurance when you lose your job). This morning she questioned her boss about it and her boss said "oh yeah I just found out on Friday about your layoff." Which I am pretty sure is untrue as these headcount issues are planned quite meticulously. Had my friend only taken 6-8 weeks off she probably would have fallen under the reassignment umbrella when the layoffs were going on as several of her co-workers were.
The thing that really bugs me is that our company is constantly being applauded by major publications such as Working Mother magazine, boasting of its generous benefits package and maternity leave arrangements such as GRW (gradual return to work). It's all smoke and mirrors. Female managers who get pregnant are often harassed by their bosses about how much time they will be taking off and what kind of child care arrangements are being made. I myself was cornered by a former boss who wanted to know if and when I planned on getting pregnant because he had plans to make.
The only saving grace is my friend has 7 months to find a new job. She technically won't be 'let go' until her GRW is up (6 months) and then she gets the customary 30 days to find a new job within the company. This is a huge undertaking but at least she has some time on her side and a decent network to pull from. She has 15 years in the company and is one of the smartest people I know. To hear her go through this is heartbreaking. I am at a loss and all that rolls through my brain is if she could get hit I could without a doubt. We are not people. We are numbers. There is really only one thing we can do and that is take it for all it's worth. Meet people, network and take advantage of anything out company offers us such as tuition reimbursement. If I get fired I will walk away with almost $100,000 worth of college tuition and two degrees that can not be taken away.
The thing that really bugs me is that our company is constantly being applauded by major publications such as Working Mother magazine, boasting of its generous benefits package and maternity leave arrangements such as GRW (gradual return to work). It's all smoke and mirrors. Female managers who get pregnant are often harassed by their bosses about how much time they will be taking off and what kind of child care arrangements are being made. I myself was cornered by a former boss who wanted to know if and when I planned on getting pregnant because he had plans to make.
The only saving grace is my friend has 7 months to find a new job. She technically won't be 'let go' until her GRW is up (6 months) and then she gets the customary 30 days to find a new job within the company. This is a huge undertaking but at least she has some time on her side and a decent network to pull from. She has 15 years in the company and is one of the smartest people I know. To hear her go through this is heartbreaking. I am at a loss and all that rolls through my brain is if she could get hit I could without a doubt. We are not people. We are numbers. There is really only one thing we can do and that is take it for all it's worth. Meet people, network and take advantage of anything out company offers us such as tuition reimbursement. If I get fired I will walk away with almost $100,000 worth of college tuition and two degrees that can not be taken away.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Thought Process of a Listener
I am a huge music fan. I find myself most attracted to bands that have thought provoking lyrics. I like music that I can obviously relate to but also makes me think. Sometimes you just want to hear stuff that makes you smile but I find I mostly want to find something that moves me. This is one of the reasons I am a huge fan of the rock band Rush. They make great music and their drummer Neil Peart is an amazing writer. He writes all the lyrics for the band. I have pretty much grown up listening to Rush. My high school years were defined by songs like "Subdivisions" and "Spirit of Radio". My young adult years: "Time Stand Still", "Bravado" and "Dreamline." Now that I have reached (gasp-dare I say?) middle age, I am happy to report Rush is alive and well still making some amazing music. Their latest album spawned a new catalog of songs such as "Far Cry" which hits a chord (no pun intended) in my life and once again the soundtrack of my little world plays on.
Imagine my shock when I start listening to one of the "new bands" called Fall Out Boy and find their chief lyricist was born in 1984- the year I was a junior in high school. Suddenly I feel like this is not right. How can I relate to someone so young? A teenybopper to me for sure. But I hear a few thought provoking lines in some of their songs. Mostly about coming of age (been there), heartbreak and searching for meaning (been there too). I download a bunch of their songs to my Zune and proceed to dissect them.
"Hum Hallelujah" seems to take a cue from the old Leonard Cohen song which was beautifully remade by the late Jeff Buckley. Fall Out boy puts their own spin on it in an anthem kind of way. A few lines catch my ear "I could write it better than you ever felt it" and "I love you in the same way there's a chapel in a hospital." Clearly pointing to their teenage fan base they include "So hum hallelujah.Just off the key of reason.I thought I loved you.It was just how you looked in the light.A teenage vow in a parking lot (Hum hallelujah)Till tonight do us part." I am not sure why this song sticks in my head but it does. I've never loved anyone because of the way the light reflects off them but its a silly metaphor that encompasses the frivolous way teenagers (not all teenagers of course) can fall in love. "I could write it better than you ever felt it" makes me think the song is geared toward the inexperienced listeners still waiting for their life to take off and provide them with the wisdom only a life lived can possess.
This makes me think. Back in the day when I fell in love with Rush, I was one of those teenagers. I didn't know much about life but I possessed that angst only teenagers have and the curiosity to find what life was all about.It's kind of cool to see how things come full circle across generations. This is definitely something I did not see when I was a kid. The whole circle of life thing and the continuation of thoughts and emotions is interesting. I wonder is FOB will be around for as long as Rush has and will their teenage generation carry over to write about them in their blogs or whatever new technology is out there.
Subdivisons
Words by neil peart, music by geddy lee and alex lifeson
Sprawling on the fringes of the city
In geometric order
An insulated border
In between the bright lights
And the far unlit unknown
Growing up it all seems so one-sided
Opinions all provided
The future pre-decided
Detached and subdivided
In the mass production zone
Nowhere is the dreamer
Or the misfit so alone
Subdivisions
In the high school halls
In the shopping malls
Conform or be cast out
Subdivisions
In the basement bars
In the backs of cars
Be cool or be cast out
Any escape might help to smooth
The unattractive truth
But the suburbs have no charms to soothe
The restless dreams of youth
Drawn like moths we drift into the city
The timeless old attraction
Cruising for the action
Lit up like a firefly
Just to feel the living night
Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory
Of lighted streets on quiet nights...
Imagine my shock when I start listening to one of the "new bands" called Fall Out Boy and find their chief lyricist was born in 1984- the year I was a junior in high school. Suddenly I feel like this is not right. How can I relate to someone so young? A teenybopper to me for sure. But I hear a few thought provoking lines in some of their songs. Mostly about coming of age (been there), heartbreak and searching for meaning (been there too). I download a bunch of their songs to my Zune and proceed to dissect them.
"Hum Hallelujah" seems to take a cue from the old Leonard Cohen song which was beautifully remade by the late Jeff Buckley. Fall Out boy puts their own spin on it in an anthem kind of way. A few lines catch my ear "I could write it better than you ever felt it" and "I love you in the same way there's a chapel in a hospital." Clearly pointing to their teenage fan base they include "So hum hallelujah.Just off the key of reason.I thought I loved you.It was just how you looked in the light.A teenage vow in a parking lot (Hum hallelujah)Till tonight do us part." I am not sure why this song sticks in my head but it does. I've never loved anyone because of the way the light reflects off them but its a silly metaphor that encompasses the frivolous way teenagers (not all teenagers of course) can fall in love. "I could write it better than you ever felt it" makes me think the song is geared toward the inexperienced listeners still waiting for their life to take off and provide them with the wisdom only a life lived can possess.
This makes me think. Back in the day when I fell in love with Rush, I was one of those teenagers. I didn't know much about life but I possessed that angst only teenagers have and the curiosity to find what life was all about.It's kind of cool to see how things come full circle across generations. This is definitely something I did not see when I was a kid. The whole circle of life thing and the continuation of thoughts and emotions is interesting. I wonder is FOB will be around for as long as Rush has and will their teenage generation carry over to write about them in their blogs or whatever new technology is out there.
Subdivisons
Words by neil peart, music by geddy lee and alex lifeson
Sprawling on the fringes of the city
In geometric order
An insulated border
In between the bright lights
And the far unlit unknown
Growing up it all seems so one-sided
Opinions all provided
The future pre-decided
Detached and subdivided
In the mass production zone
Nowhere is the dreamer
Or the misfit so alone
Subdivisions
In the high school halls
In the shopping malls
Conform or be cast out
Subdivisions
In the basement bars
In the backs of cars
Be cool or be cast out
Any escape might help to smooth
The unattractive truth
But the suburbs have no charms to soothe
The restless dreams of youth
Drawn like moths we drift into the city
The timeless old attraction
Cruising for the action
Lit up like a firefly
Just to feel the living night
Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory
Of lighted streets on quiet nights...
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