Thinking Out Loud

I often wonder about how I have evolved over the years. Are we shaped by age and experience ? I was once incredible shy and afraid to speak my mind. Once I turned 30 that all seemed to change. Is it confidence or just a defense mechanism of some sort ? I am not even conscious of it half the time.

In May, I was allowed to walk with with graduating MBA class although I am still finishing up my thesis. I sat at the Nassau Coliseum waiting patiently to walk to center stage to shake my college president's hand and be given an empty pseudo leather folder to place my soon to be received diploma. Before that long walk all of us had to endure the pomp and circumstance of members of the school's board. Several of them spoke during the opening ceremonies. The spoke not about the graduation class as much as they spoke about themselves. It was unbearable. Sitting in a seas of caps and gowns I found myself speaking my mind out loud. I remember having the students around me giggling with my blow by blow commentary. I did not mean to be rude but I could not help myself.

Thankfully I was far enough away from the center stage. To hear these people speak was well, embarrassing. I wanted to hear from our sports celebrity (who was well spoken and had an advanced degree) guest speaker and fellow students. It really did not want to hear from local business men who did not go to college but were receiving honorary diplomas for being rich and successful. I was not inspired. I wanted to hear from working single moms who struggled juggling classes and life and won. I wanted to hear from the kid from the Midwest who endured the culture shock of living in New York on his own for the first time far away from his family farm and how her grew in his four years at school. I have nothing against people who opt not to go to college but are still able to make a living. I just wonder how they are they are inspirations to those of us who struggle to go to school ? Making a living without a college degree is possible but not for everyone. So why boast about your professional achievements without hitting on the important stuff in life ?

I recently watched a video of J.K. Rowling giving a commencement address at a well known American university. She went to college. She struggled to get through her studies and achieve her degree. She knew about the college experience as well as life experience. She dreamed of being a writer, achieved her dream and became a success. Good stuff. Joe Blow who dropped out of high school and worked his way up in a factory to become the owner of said factory making widgets and donates lots of money to the school do he can be on the board. Good story for the most part but how does that inspire a college student ? It kind of says to me "Hey kids, I made it without school na-na-na-na-na." Am I missing something or just being a cynical New Yorker ?

Last year my sister-in-law graduated and her school's guest speaker was former NY Yankee Bernie Williams. I love the Yankees. It was cool to see Bernie especially since he no longer plays because and well, baseball is a hard career and when you get older you aren't seen as a good investment anymore and often get kicked to the curb. Bernie was signed as free agent when he was 17. Sure he worked hard and made lots of money. Got married, had three kids, does charity work and is an amazing musician to boot. So why was I OK with hearing Bernie speak and not the Long Island businessman at my commencement? because he said this :

“I know there’s certain things regarding your job or whatever you may end up doing, but I’m here to tell you, don’t let your job define who you are. Your relationships will define who you are."

Bingo. Bernie hit a home run at Madison Square Garden that afternoon. The Long Island businessman struck out. Bernie may have not had a college degree but his education on and off the baseball field served him well.

Yes, these are the things I think about at 6am on a Saturdays instead of sleeping late.

Dreaming of China

After years of struggling with fertility issues my husband and I have decided to adopt. After doing some research into domestic adoption we decided to try an international agency. My brother in law and his wife adopted a beautiful baby girl from China last year. We went to a seminar their agency had in NYC and were quiet impressed with them. They gave us a lot of paperwork to read and review but we pretty much decided before we spoke to them that this is what we truly wanted.

I have spent the last week reading blogs from other American families who have adopted from China. There are hundreds of stories out there. I was amazed at how many families have had such a wonderful experience with Chinese adoption. The timing of the Olympics could not have been more perfect. At this point I am completely engrossed in learning everything I can about Chinese culture. I have even considered buying the Rosetta Stone instruction CDs for leaning Mandarin. We haven't even filled out all the paper work yet and I am worried about speaking Chinese !

The wait time for adoption from China is between 12-24 months. I figure that would give me plenty of time to learn as much as I can about China and work on my teaching degree so I can have more time at home with my family. Corporate America boasts of it's family friendly ideals but it's ultimately a lie. The company I work for claims it has great benefits for working moms but I have seen otherwise. I have had a supervisor grill me to see when I planned on having children so he could "plan ahead." I have seen managers chastise their direct reports for taking off the allowed time after having a baby, advising that "it would be detrimental to your career." It's a joke. Yet every year my company makes it in the top 100 places for Working Moms. Someone is not being truthful for sure. As a manager I have been told to NEVER call in sick or I will be blacklisted for the next layoff. Nice, eh ?

So there it is. In 2 years we could have a child of our own. It's so awe inspiring just to write it. Guess I'd better get started on that paperwork.

Consideration and Karma

I don't know why but it always amazes me when people are rude and inconsiderate. Today while running errands I made my usual stop at Starbucks. When driving through a parking lot I always follow the rules. I don't drive recklessly across empty parking spaces and I drive kind of slow: you know the drill- people are bringing groceries to their car, parents are walking through the lot with little children etc. Today some idiot driving a brand new Chrysler 3000 was talking on his cell phone zipping through the lot, driving on the wrong side of the designated aisle. The guy almost hit me and some other lady who was driving a station wagon with children inside. He unceremoniously parks crooked in the handicapped spot in front of Starbucks and then storms into the T-Mobile store. I was so very close to saying something to this a-hole. I somehow contained myself and entered Starbucks- my sanctuary from the crazy world.

The people that work there know me (I'm a regular) and know what I drink: a venti non-fat vanilla latte. As I leave the store lo and behold there is rude man sitting in his car while the driver's side door wide open. A T-mobile employee is trying to explain something to him but he is just yelling at the poor guy. I go home with my latte.This whole rude-guy experience is really bugging me. I flip on the TV and start to read my newspaper. CNN is on. It's my usual background noise of choice when reading.

Christaine Amanpour is interviewing the Dalai Lama.She asks him about the injustice Tibet faces from China. The Dalai Lama is emphatic about peaceful resistance. He explains when someone has wronged you it's important to pray for them. When you do good you will get goodness in return. When you do bad well, you know. That is the whole belief of Buddhism. His simple words immediately struck a cord and I was glad for not yelling at "rude man." Karma will take care of it. I am so glad I turned on the TV.

Check out CNN for the special series Buddha's Warriors